A few minutes later, I heard the bell ring and went to open the door to Francis. He came in and went for a hug immediately. I hugged him back because at that moment, all I wanted to do was cuddle and be held by someone who loved me unconditionally.
After he settled down, I gave him the result of my pregnancy test and watched for his reaction. He frowned while trying to take out the document from the big envelope. I just watched with an intense gaze. As he glanced at the paper in front of him, he opened his mouth in shock and at first, I thought he was about to smile until he said;
“You can’t be pregnant Isabella (not babe). I thought you couldn’t conceive.”
Those words hit me like a rock and hurt my soul the instant I heard them. I was taken aback by his reaction mostly because I thought he would be happy even if it was just slightly. He looked pissed at me and angry at the paper. Before I knew it, he tossed the paper aside and stood up in anger. I watched all this with my expressions revealing sadness. It was then I knew I was alone and Francis probably didn’t love me like he said he did. I asked if he was just going to get mad at me for actions that involved both of us and he said things that hurt me and things I didn’t know ever since I came to know him. He confessed that he was a married man, had a wife and a kid living in London where he had lied about having a fiancé staying there. He said all the while he talked about his fiancé, he was referring to his wife. He said he knew messing around with me was wrong especially because I had been in a fragile relationship but he couldn’t resist the attraction he felt towards me. He said he liked me but knew he could never marry me. He said he was sorry for lying. He said all the things I never thought I would hear from him, not after I entrusted everything including my happiness in his hands.
I woke up the next day with swollen eyes from crying the night before. All I could remember was screaming at Francis and hitting him several times before kicking him out of my house. I was even in a more life changing moment than I had been when I signed the final divorce papers with David. I had lost everything not excluding my mind. Three months went by and I didn’t hear from Francis. He vanished out of my life just as he appeared into it. I had quit my job shortly after I told Francis about my pregnancy. I just couldn’t endure working in the same environment as him. I felt emotionally strained. During my last days in the company, Francis ignored me and did like he never even had intimate moments with me. It was almost like we never spoke. From David to Francis to being back alone. I had believed nobody wanted me. After I left the company, I was able to manage myself until I got another job even though it was almost like starting from square one. It was not the same and although it took me a while to adjust, I eventually did. I finally spoke to my mother who was very disappointed at me, though she had revealed her happiness about me being able to get pregnant. Soon the news spread and I think almost everyone I knew found out that I was pregnant. Some still guessing if David was responsible. I assumed David already knew and would think I never even loved him to have moved on so quickly. The truth was I was hurting, hurting from everything. I believed I still loved him but didn’t think we would ever get back together. On the other hand, I vowed to keep the baby and take responsibility whether Francis wanted to get involved or not. We had lost contact and I blamed myself for everything that happened.
After a few months of being away from church, I finally stepped back into the church David and I used to attend. The pastor had contacted me a while back just before I got separated from David. She had called me several times and asked when I would be attending church again but I always lied and said I would attend the coming Sunday and never left my house. I sat at a corner and watched the congregation like they were judging me in their minds even though most of them probably didn’t notice I was there or even knew who I was. I thought the world would be judging me like I judged myself at that point in my life. I thought people could see through me and figure out all my mistakes but the truth is it was all in my head and I wasn’t alone. It took some time to understand that many people had both similar and different problems. Of course, I understood that whispers would probably go around church or anywhere I am known even if it’s just a little bit. I didn’t expect less but I no longer cared. I only wanted to find God. I wanted to feel a connection with him, the way I felt before I got married and a few months into my marriage. I cried on the altar after church and asked God for forgiveness. I so badly wanted to feel cleansed and renewed. I asked God to wash me and make me pure again because I was at the bridge of losing hope and thinking that I would never find happiness. I went to see my pastor after a long time and she prayed for me when I told her everything that had happened. She didn’t judge me but gave me hope and let me know that God never left me. She said I had only been arrested by him because he wanted me to come back to him. I felt like the prodigal son that was mentioned in the bible. Just when I had lost everything, I remembered that I had a father in heaven. I left church that day feeling at peace and hopeful for the future.
Well things did not go very smoothly for me even after that day most especially after giving birth. My daughter had captured my heart the moment I saw her for the first time but her birth brought about many trials. Many things were not going well for me like I thought it would.
My mother was very helpful and took care of my daughter whenever I had to leave for work though it was only for a while. I eventually hired a caretaker and nanny who assisted me as well because my mother couldn’t stay any longer.