Mercy Said No!
Episode 18 (Final Episode)
Meanwhile Lucy woke up Saturday morning not in the mood for a party, she was getting sad and lonely for lack a companion in her life. Often her thoughts went to Logan, but she guiltily had to rein them in, he wasn’t hers to take, he was married and very much far away. Maybe not so far away that she couldn’t travel to the states on a whim, but wait again he was married!, why couldn’t she remember that? For the past two weeks now, she found herself constantly thinking and dreaming about him, thinking back to their last moments, and relieving it over again. It was all she had of him, and all she would ever have. She sometimes had to fight the urge to ask Susan how he and Naomi were doing, but often decided against it, for it wasn’t worth the pressure that would come later when she was alone with her thoughts. And now today she was supposed to go to a party that not only reminded her of the last time she saw him, but was going to be filled with everyone she knew who were either married, engaged, and were happy, no! It was going to be too depressing for her and that was the last thing she needed.
Alice walked in to the bedroom, and asked her what she was wearing for the dinner
I’m not going she replied
Smiling her mother walked up to her, sat by her side and spoke in return yes! You are my dear, and you know why
Why? Lucy asked
Because you need to be around people who you have a lot in common with, because you deserve to have a night out and be happy, Because love is waiting for you just around the corner, and finally waving her finger and striking a pose ‘ because I said so my dear’. Lucy laughed at this, Alice continued ‘now don’t go comparing yourself to me, see I loved your father and decided no other man would do, and besides he gave me the best years of my life so our memories were sufficient for me, but in your case that doesn’t apply, so you need to get back out there and find true love and hope this time to get it right, I have a good feeling about tonight.
It’s too late for love mum, Lucy spoke dejectedly
Concerned Alice asked what do you mean dear?
Feeling a sudden need to unburden her heart, she spoke up, he’s married mum.
Who is married?
Logan do you remember him? Susan’s brother in law, he came to see me that fateful night, I told you remember?
Alice nodded, sweetheart, she spoke softly, yes! I do but I can sense there’s still more to tell.
And Lucy did, holding nothing back.
Few minutes later she finished crying as she unburdened her heart to her mum. ‘I had a chance to be with him mum and I pushed him away because of matt. She declared how could I have been so stupid, it was staring at me right in the face and I picked pain and misery over true love’.
Ssh! Alice said it wasn’t your fault dear, you couldn’t have known.
Sniffing Lucy said ‘Mum don’t try to make this easy for me I should have known better. My heart told me matt wasn’t right for me, my spirit tried to tell me, I should have prayed harder about it but I didn’t, I allowed myself to be manipulated by matt’s sweet attention and fake undying love and now I’ve lost Logan forever.’ She sobbed earnestly.
Alice waited for her to compose herself then spoke up ‘Dearie don’t you see, you’re single again’.
Yes! But he’s married. she clarified
No! Naomi is married but not to Logan Alice further clarified.
What! How did you know that? Lucy questioned
I know because Susan told me this erm! so I don’t know why that woman said she was Logan’s wife, but my guess was she was trying to protect the both of you from getting hurt. If you hadn’t known that Logan was married, you would never have allowed him to come close, you were vulnerable, I give the both of you credit, a lot especially to him, it takes a certain kind of love, strength and understanding to walk away from the woman you love especially when she belongs to another man. So all I know is both of you are now single and available. Somehow in the midst of this chaos Jehovah had a plan, and now I believe it’s starting to unfold, I don’t know what’s going to happen but all I ask is that this time around my dear, you need to be ready and alert to the moving of the spirit, because I perceive things are going to happen swiftly and speedily. So get yourself out there and let… true love find you attractive’. Alice caught herself before she said your true love knowing more than she was letting on.
Laughing, Lucy realized her mother’s words were ringing with truth, and she resolved in her mind to truly make herself, presentable and attractive for love tonight. Jumping out of bed, she flung open her closet as she ruffled through her clothes looking for what to wear.
Alice smiled at her youthful exuberance as Lucy started to try on gowns for her to choose. She was happy and the one thing that was going to make her truly happy was if Logan did as he’d boldly stated to her where lucy was concerned the night before when he asked for her permission to propose.
Six hours later
The dinner was in full gear as usual by 7pm, everyone was mingling and chatting already, Logan found himself searching through the crowd quietly for Lucy, praying that she would come. And then Susan who was standing next to Liam by his right suddenly reached out and tapped him, nodding her head to the right for him to see who just came in. And there she was looking stunning in a black and gold taffeta dinner gown, with her hair and make-up all done perfectly, he looked behind her searching for a date and there was one but thankfully it was Alice looking great as well. He found himself watching her as the gentlemen around were all trying to make the both of them feel welcome as one helped them with their coat and another got them drinks from the waiter passing by. Patiently he waited unable to fault the young men who were only trying to be nice, and then eventually she sighted Susan, and waved to her, Susan waved back gesturing for her to come in their direction which she did, dragging Alice in tow. Gesturing at them, she froze her hand in mid air as she saw him, for him time stood still, as he stared at her finding himself happy at her reaction which told him all he needed to know, eventually he nodded at her, she nodded back as she walked slowly towards him still in shock.
Lucy knew she was in a party, but for some reason all the noise had been filtered out of her head as she found herself sailing towards Logan. She thought, Logan was here live and direct, standing in front of her and alone like her mother said earlier. She found herself wondering how could that be? when did he arrive? How long has he been around? Surely he must have heard about matt’s death at some point, so why didn’t he call to speak with her, at least to offer his condolences? Did he still love her or did she imagine all that he said. Confused she grabbed the first glass of liquid that sailed past her downed it once as she found herself constantly checking to see if he was really there, she went through the motions of social greetings with Susan, Liam and their guests around them which was very difficult as he just stood there, in silence.
Lucy dear, are you okay Alice whispered into her ear.
Mum that’s Logan. She whispered back
I know Alice nodded understandingly a light in her eyes.
Lucy instantly turned to hey mother, what do you mean?
Ssh! Just relax sweetie Alice nodded and before Lucy could say anything, she’d dragged Susan away on some excuse of touring the house Liam also tagged along leaving the two of them just standing alone.
Logan knew he should take the lead here but he just wasn’t comfortable speaking to her in a crowd, so grabbing her hand, he turned towards the direction of the back door pulling her with him.
Lucy was startled as Logan grabbed her hand, and like a sheep she followed confident, letting him take the lead, she relaxed when she saw where he was going.
Now outside and alone, before she knew what was happening Logan swiftly turned to her and kissed her.
Lucy pulled back, as shock waves travelled through her.
Logan she began
Lucy he called back
Oh! Whatever Lucy thought in her head as she reached up and kissed him back again.
Now it was Logan’s turn to be startled, he’d kissed her earlier because seeing her he’d finally admitted to himself that, that was all he ever thought off ever since the last time they saw each other, and he just had to get that out of the way. But this was more than he bargained for, and summing all the self control in him he pulled back too.
Lucy he began all of a sudden nothing mattered any longer, no words deserved to be spoken in this moment other than the words he longed to say out loud, ‘I love you so much’
Suddenly happy as the glow of those words, brightened her world she spoke back Logan I’m crazy about you, I love you so much more than you can ever imagine’.
This time around they moved at the same time, as their lips merged together expressing their love for each other in ways and emotions only they understood.
Lucy felt like bursting inside, so overwhelming was this feeling that she didn’t realize she was actually crying. She was so grateful that she’d finally made it back into the arms of the one man she ever wanted, oh! Thank you God, thank you she cried within.
Logan felt the tears prick his skin even as he felt the same exact feeling Lucy felt, knowing there was no other Being worthy of thanksgiving as the one who had arranged this moment, he’d waited all this years trusting that someday God would give him a woman who he truly deserved and loved, and here she was completely and totally his. His Lucy.
Pulling back he wiped her tears with his hands, and then realizing she wasn’t wearing a jacket in the cold night; he removed his and wrapped it all around her.
Thanks Lucy said grateful that he’d noticed.
Silently they stood staring at each other, and then eventually Logan cleared his throat ‘I know there’s so much to talk about but I don’t know where to begin’
Smiling at him Lucy said ‘ I think I know that feeling’.
Turning serious ‘ I’m sorry about Matt, I’m sorry he died on the day we were together, I’m sorry I didn’t call you all this while since I knew, I’m sorry I kissed you before I said all this’.
Smiling again Lucy spoke ‘ there is nothing to be sorry for Logan, you had no control over matt’s death or the day he died either, also I did wonder why you didn’t call me but now I’m glad you didn’t because the me then and the me now were two different persons altogether, I know it’s in your nature to have thought it best to want to give me time to figure things out rather than swoop in on me when I was still vulnerable and finally I’m not sorry about that kiss, I really wanted to, it’s all I thought about whenever I thought of you’.
Logan nodded feeling suddenly happy, then something struck him and he asked ‘you know I’m not married to Naomi right!’
Lucy tried to talk but found herself laughing uncontrollably, in the end cracking up Logan found himself laughing too and not knowing why. Eventually they calmed down and Lucy spoke ‘that was a good one you guys played on me, tell her I said so’.
No! It wasn’t my idea at all, it was all Naomi, wanting to protect me from the image of what she’d imagined you to be before she met you. I’m sorry about it all, but you have to agree it worked out well in the end.
Lucy nodded understandingly, and turning serious she looked down and started to say, but Logan cut in asking
Would you like to have dinner with me tonight Lucy, just us?
Lucy smiled Logan I just want to be with you alone tonight, nobody else, just you.
Two hours later they were still talking as they sat on the floor their backs to the bed, in Logan’s room after having had a makeshift dinner that Logan had arranged for them, the guests were gradually dispersing as the noise downstairs lessened.
…So there I am holding her hugging her while the whole church watches on… Lucy prattled on, as Logan cradled her head under his shoulder. Another hour later ‘ so I look at her and tell her how much I find her attractive but…’ Logan chats on as they try to squeeze eight years of memories into one night as if they have no other night to live for.
Four hours later Lucy looked at her watch realizing the time she gasped, ‘oh my God, my mother must be looking for me’
Laughing Logan said ‘you have no idea how that sounds’
‘Juvenile right, funny though I don’t remember ever having to say that’ Lucy said
Come one, you must have had some rebellious time when you were young, doing what you shouldn’t be doing… Logan answered laughing
Shrugging she said as she stood up ‘ I never did all those things Logan, not because I wasn’t exposed to them or a part of me didn’t want to, but because my mum put the fear of God in me and somewhere along the line I found myself developing standards that guys at that age couldn’t meet, so I wanted to hold on for the right guy’ getting to the door, she turned around and said ‘matt was my first you know’ and went in search of her mother.
Logan sat stunned at the impact of Lucy’s words hit him. He found himself suddenly wondering and asking so many questions in his mind he knew he had no business thinking let alone asking.
Few minutes later, Lucy slipped back into the room unaware of the avalanche of questions she’d set off. She has already gone home, left a message for me with Susan, so I called her, and she told me to stay as long as I wanted that I was old enough to know what was right’ she finished laughing ‘ can you imagine, now I really feel like a teenager’.
Logan joined in but then his eyes turned serious. Lucy he began
Crouching in front of him she called back ‘Lucy and Logan kind of has a nice ring to it don’t you think?’
‘I need to ask you something very personal, you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to but I’m just curious need to know, while you were married obviously you and matt were you know
What? Lucy asked confused
You know giving all you’ve said about him was he…
Just ask the question Logan? Lucy asked softly sensing where he was leading
Holding her hands, he asked, was he good to you in the bedroom?’
Blushing Lucy sat back on her bottom, feeling self conscious, she expected this question but not this way. Logan stared at her intently, his eyes pleading with her to be honest and open with him.
Feeling defensive she asked ‘how did we get here?’ she said trying to rise up again
Lucy please, Logan begged pulling her hand down, ‘You can tell me anything, trust me, just trust me please’
Lucy sat back resignedly; wishing tears would save her now from this rendition, but her eyes were dry as the dessert, no tears left. Sighing she spoke matter of factly, ‘I had so much expectations about sex you know, I read about it and thought about a lot as I looked forward to getting married, oh! I bought all the lingerie I could afford, read all the books I could lay my hands on and just filled myself with all the knowledge I felt I needed, mostly because I knew matt was obviously you know, a pro in that area, and I’ve been told that men tend to expect more from their women…, besides it’s also my duty as a Christian wife, so I prepared myself to be the best I could be for him’. She paused gauging Logan’s expression
Logan nodded for her to continue
‘Even when we were courting I could sense that if I ever dropped my guard, he was willing to put more pressure on me, so I was like the control buffer, the one that reminded him of why we couldn’t fornicate, whenever we were together. But I never felt comfortable telling him I was a virgin; I think I gave him a similar impression to what you said earlier.
Lucy stop! Logan cautioned a tone to his voice she’d never heard before
Ignoring him she continued ‘so on our first night…’ she swallowed hard,
Lucy! Logan called again his tone higher as he tried to stop her from giving away too much details, he really didn’t need to know.
Again she ignored him talking quite fast, ‘ once we were alone, he just wanted to be …, except he didn’t know, I tried to tell him, but he was just too much in a hurry, and so I panicked and tried going with the flow of things following my instincts and knowledge, hoping it wouldn’t be so bad, but in effect it actually was’, regret in her eyes, the one moment I waited for was robbed from me so fast. My stupid husband realized his mistake later on but it was like trying to come up a cliff after you’ve fallen, you just had to ride it through till the end and hope for the best. I conceived that night, the one good thing that came out of it’.
Lucy ‘say no more’ Logan demanded pulling her to him, I’m sorry I asked, I don’t know what I was thinking.
It’s okay, I’ve only told my mother details of my marriage to matt, but never this, so it feels good to pour out my heart to someone’. ‘ for so long I blamed myself for the lack of sex in my marriage, because after that night I may have lost some interest in it thereby inadvertently starving matt sexually but still I tried to make an effort now and then just to please him and then he also put a stop to it when we found out I was pregnant saying some stupid excuse of how weird it made him feel and guess what? I accepted it feeling cheerful that I wouldn’t have to rebuff his advances on me, but strangely after that he never made them again not once in the whole cycle of our marriage except for the occasional cuddle now and then which I now realize he must have thought I was someone else, not once did matt try to make love to me and that was how I started to suspect he was having an affair, he had to be, a guy like matt can’t hold out that long, it’s a serious lesson I’ve learnt. I was amazed at the level of self control and loyalty he had for beth which is why on some level I believe now that he must have loved her, I give him credit for that, not even when…’ Lucy went quiet instantly not wanting to finish her sentence.
She saw the questioning look, in Logan’s eye but stood up and walked up to the window where she pretended to study the beautiful view it presented. Sensing Logan was behind her, she decided it best not to turn around but focused intently on her hypothetical view.
Lucy tell me what happened, did he force you, is that what you’re trying not to say? Logan spoke to her back trying hard to control the fury at Matt in his voice.
No! lucy spoke turning around ‘it was me I tried to force him to have sex with me, I tried to seduce him but he left me as soon as she called him on the phone, I felt so humiliated Logan, it was the one time I was so confident of myself and he took it from me in one swoop, I tried to console myself that it was a good thing he didn’t start off with me and finish off with Beth later, but from where I stood I’m not so sure which would have been worse.’
Logan pulled Lucy to him holding her as if she would break, he realized as the anger drained out of him he was glad that matt answered that call, not because of any particular reason but because he knew lucy would feel worse than she felt now if it had been the other way round, he would know because Naomi felt the same way with Shane’.
Pulling apart he told her ‘lucy being with your man should be the most natural thing in the world, it’s not as bad as you think it is I promise you, for how can something created by God for good have a negative effect on you, granted I know your attitude is not of your own doing but of matt’s and I wish I could go back in time and make it all up to you, and give you that one night the way you would have dreamt it, but I can’t. Still I promise you that not one day would go by that I won’t let you know how much I love you in every single way possible, he paused for effect, then said ‘in our bedroom’. and I promise to tell you how much I need you in my life, and how much I’m grateful for all the time we would spend together from now on, I promise to love you with every fiber in my being till there’s nothing left Lucy, if you will accept me faults and all.
Tearily Lucy said ‘oh! Logan that is so sweet, but what… exactly … are you … saying? She asked gasping through her words
Lucy Peters, I’m proposing to you just as I asked your mother’s permission yesterday, for you to marry me’.
Oh! My God, you had it all planned she stated smiling
Not really, but with the right help, I felt bold enough to take a step of faith, going on his knees he asked again ‘ Lucy will you be the love of my life now and forever’
Yes! Logan yes! I will Lucy declared as she went to his arms.
Overjoyed Logan carried her up in the air hugging her tightly. I’m sorry, about the lack of a ring but in the morning we’ll walk into Ernest Jones and pick something for you and also for the kids too.
No matter the price eh! Lucy asked mischievously
Logan threw his head back and laughed, woman thou art loosed! He declared from the power of diamonds.
Together they laughed and then went still as the stared into each other’s eyes, lucy realized that this was the kind of ending she would have wished for anytime any day and told him so, he told he totally agreed. She rested her head on Logan’s shoulders as they both stared into the cold hard night, dreamily thinking of the future and wondering how of all the men and women in love in this world, they got to be so lucky as to get a second chance! Truly to God be the Glory
What did you think of the story of Lucy?
Logan and Matt?
I believe love is everywhere but true love is hard to find, see and recognize. Are you about to make an important decision about marriage in your life? Why don’t you ask the One who knows it all to guide you. I love to call Him the ‘All Knowing God’, but some people I know love to call him ‘Jehovah Arrangee’ ; The God who arranges situations in our favor.
Invite Him into your life and let Him shed his light on your marital destiny path so that you can live your life in His will and He can make it better.
I welcome your comments and questions, Please feel free to contact me at [email protected]