The Test Of Faith
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.(ISAIAH 43:2)
December has been slowly creeping by, don’t get me wrong I like the day where everybody runs to the Christmas tree all happy and content singing joyful praises about how good their life is.
I just don’t see the point. There is nothing to be thankful for as far as I’m concerned Christmas is just one big lie.
Santa doesn’t come to deliver presents to good boys and girls, Easter bunny is one cheap Easter tradition, tooth fairy is just another excuse to get rid of teeth, and I hate to say it but God doesn’t exist either.
I may not be Christian but I at least know that Jesus was not born on Christmas day, and then it’s the whole thing with Angie.
All she wants to do is going to church, she gets so much joy out of something that basically just repeats it’s self. I swear it’s the same bloody song and dance every day, never mind she spends more time with Jesus then with me.
Great! Now I’m bored, I’m literally sitting in my hell of a room throwing a basketball over my head “go Miami Heat” I mumbled.
What am I even doing! I hate basketball and yet I’m thinking about it. Suddenly I hear the familiar sound of a car door slam “finally” I muttered opening my window. Now you’re probably thinking “dude just go down stares” but then I would have to watch my dad have open sex with my mom.
I don’t think so! I made a superhuman leap and walked into Angie’s bedroom, she finally got home from church. The door swung open and of course she saw me and blushed, I’m glad I have that effect on her “Jesus only knows how you leap that far”.
She pointed to the gap between her window and mine “what can I say I’m your superman” and your my kryptonite, I pecked her on the lips hoping she wouldn’t here the thing I said in my head.
I stared into her beautiful eyes until I heard that irritating voice that has been taunting me every sense I entered that dam church.
“Derek” “my son, I love you, why do you reject me?” I put my hands over my ears blocking out everything, trying to block out the voice. “Derek sweetie wh-what are you doing” she looked panicked probably because I was covering my ears moving backwards yelling “shut up, shut the hell up” walking towards the window.
“Angie I-I don’t understand what-what’s going on with me, just stay away I don’t want you hurt” I leaped quickly to my window nearly missing the window.
“SHIT” I cursed letting my head hit the pillow, please just shut up! I stood up hearing nothing but silence and sighed happily clasping on my bed.
“You are earth for a reason” I groaned, guess I’m not so free,” just leave me the fuck alone, why? Why, can’t you bother somebody else that doesn’t have enough fuckin’ problems!
Why can’t I just catch a break! “Please just open you heart do not be afraid” I leaped up from my bed my fighting stance ready looking for the voice that was taunting me, convinced it was somebody in the room.
“Do not be afraid please” I laughed still scanning the room, “your ruining my life I don’t know what kind of demonic thing you are, maybe you’re from hell..I really don’t know who you are but… just stay away”. For once the voice kept silent. Then it occurred to me if demons exist then doesn’t Jesus…yeah right demons don’t exist it’s me I cannot blame my problems on a voice.
“Hello SPEAK! I’m not finished with you!” Wow Derek this is the low point of your life you’ve sunk so low your talkin’ to a stupid voice in your head.
I looked over at my phone, It was blinking widely I grabbed a hold of it and entered my password. It read ‘5 NEW MESSAGES FROM: ANGIE <3 (Ur Girl), (don’t judge the contact name if you where dating Angie you’d do the same thing).
I read the text over and over again
“Derek please talk to me” “Der babe I care about you” “Is it something I did” “????” and the one that broke my heart the most “Derek I love you we can work though this together”.
How could she fall for a guy like me? I’m scary, brought up the wrong way, I’ve got more issues than girls I’ve slept with(and there’s a lot), and I can’t tell the girl I love how much of fuckin’ problems I have to save my life. Never mind I swear every single sentence like I’m some shitty nobody that can’t speak English, and there I go again. At least I no one thing:
I don’t deserve her love.
I knew what I had to do, I sat on my bed grabbed a fresh notebook and tore a page. I picked up a pen and began to write.
I walked though my house sneaking past my parents “stop” my father roared, I walked backwards into the living room to where my mother was watching yet another romantic TV show.
“Where are you going” he didn’t even look at me “out…gosh dammit I don’t care anymore you no where I’m going somewhere, where I don’t have to see your drunken ass ever again”. Of course my mother was silent probably engulfed in the drama that is Grey’s Anatomy.
I started walking away and then turned back to my dad “I’m coming back for Bre one day if I find out you somehow lay a finger on Bre I’ll kill you” he laughed evilly.
“But then you leave your girlfriend behind” he did a pouty face “and you wouldn’t want that given how much you ‘love her’ yeah right” he snickered.
“Shut up! You wouldn’t know what love is, if it slapped you in the face-“hey I love your moth-“no you don’t you DID! So don’t give me that crap! You only loved her when Grandma was here and now she’s dead and it’s your own dam fault”.
“SON WAIT!” he yelled actually getting up from his seat, aww he got up for me I feel so very special (sarcasm).
“Don’t call me that” I snapped grabbing my bike and helmet, how could I say that to him? How? He’s my dad? Before hopping on my bike I nervously grabbed the note out of my pocket.
I walked up to her house and stuck the note in the envelope, “Angie I’m sorry but you feel for a madman”
I parked my bike and walked through the glass doors, “Oh God” I groaned clutching onto my leather jacket. I opened the other door walking into the mental hospital.
I looked around the room the lobby was bland and lifeless just like everybody else around here; I walked up to the old-looking lady behind the counter.
“Oh great it’s one of you guys” she sneered “excuse me?” she laughed “oh look a bad boy with manners! So what kind of prank do you want to pull on these poor patients”. Oh great Johnny made a name for us, yes I’ve been here before we used to pull pranks on the patients to make them believe they were crazier than they already where.
“I’m not here for that…and aren’t you going to say something like how may I help you” she slammed her fist on the key boards. “OK then! How may I help you” she exclaimed faking enthusiasm, somebody’s on their period.
“So this is what a loony bin looks like…and hey you’re the queen” she gasped standing up “listen here mister this is no joke this is where people with serious problems go so do you have a problem”. I swear she has a problem her left eye was twitching dramatically.
“Yes” my smile disappeared and was replaced with a scarier than ever face “I would like to check myself into this loony bin” she glared “sorry nut house” she death glared. “Sorry mental hospital” she nodded slightly plopping down a clipboard in front of me “sign your name here and fill these out” I looked at the sheets preparing to sit down.
“Hey chuckle head” I turned around instead of an annoyed sarcastic smile it was placed with a sad scared frown “Sonny after you sign these forms there is no going back”.
“No going back…no going back…” her voice echoed in my head as I filled out the papers
Exactly I can’t go back!
TO BE CONTINUED…