The Test Of Faith
John 3:36 Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life; whoever does not obey the Son shall not see life, but the wrath of God remains on him.
“This cannot be happening, oh my sweet baby Jesus this cannot be happening”
I panted walking back and forth threatening to pull out my brown hair.
“Angie girl you need to c-“what calm down well excuse me for freaking out it’s not like your boyfriend checked himself into a mental hospital…boyfriend I don’t know if he even is that anymore”.
Ok maybe I was freaking out a little bit, I sat down on my bed and buried my face in my hands
“God, why did you make me to be such an idiot? Ugh”.
I looked at Zoe as she re-read the letter.
“NO STOP! You are not an idiot, you know who’s an idiot my god forsaken father, and Suzie’s father, you know who else is an idiot Satan for going against God…are you Satan?” I shook my head “see you’re not an idiot”.
I chuckled and grabbed the letter, “I know your blaming yourself but it’s really not that bad…just go to the hospital, talk to him and bail him out!”
BAIL HIM OUT! He probably won’t even talk to me. “Talk to me…he probably won’t even forgive me” she laughed shaking her head.
“Where talking about Derek…Derek Hunter the guy is head over heels for you, Derek Hunter the same guy that wrote this very sappy yet sweet letter for you”.
With shaky hands I grabbed the letter yet again “just read it…I mean it’s not like it’s his will or anything” she laughed trying to lighten the mood.
I looked at her shocked at the possibility “too soon ok sorry about that” she smiled weakly. “Dear Angie,” I read aloud which made Zoe motion to continue.
So this is a little hard to explain, I’m not pulling some disappearing act on you where I’m unexpectedly behind you…or am I. Yeah I’m not. This is harder than I thought, let me start off with the most important part: I’m crazy…for you sorry I just couldn’t help myself, but in all seriousness I hear voices. I’m not blaming you but probably reading this isn’t going to help considering you try to put the whole world on your shoulders. It started when we started dating that day, I’m sorry I just can’t do this anymore I’m putting you guys at risk and I can’t do that to you…or to Bre.
I can’t hurt you, I love you. Trust me I love you more than you will ever know I love you more than my hair gel, or my math text book or my vans….wait…actually yes even that. There replaceable, you’re not there is no other girl like you trust me. I have been dangling my rod out at sea hoping to catch a pretty fish like you. Guess I caught an Angel fish.
I care too much about you to see you get hurt, stay away from me I’m staying in a mental hospital where I can’t hurt anybody or the ones I love.
There’s a lot of loony bins out there so don’t look for me, and as much as it pains me to say it: move on. Go find a guy that is worth your time…that deserves you. I’ll stay here where I belong. Goodbye, Cutie.
I wiped away my tears and looked at Zoe, trying to look as determined as possible.
“Zoe I need to go find him” she gave the mamma bear look and shook her head. I got out my phone and went on the “track spouse” app Derek installed on my phone, he was in Sandy Gallop Hospital.
“Angie you read the letter he is crazy, he’s hearing voices, he is going to hurt you” I knew she was looking out for me but she was wrong.
“Zoe you’re wrong he is hearing GOD!” She placed her hands on her hips defensively “girl I love Jesus more than anybody but it ain’t him…he crazy and not just for you”.
I grabbed my purse and stuck my phone inside “trust me on this one, it’s him I just have a feeling” I began walking down stairs to the hallway and she followed me.
I was almost out the door and I got annoyed “Angie I’m going with you” she finally spoke and I spun around facing her. “Zoe I need to do this on my own, just hold up and cover for me I doubt my parents would want me going to a mental hospital”.
“A-n-g-i-e” she whined “you know I can’t lie” this is the annoying part of Zoe “well come up with something” I shook my head rushing to the car.
I got in the family S.U.V and looked over and the Hunters driveway, his motorcycle was gone; I turned on the car reversing from the driveway and getting on the road.
I decided to calm my nerves with some One Girl Nation, “we’ve all heard people talking’ about all the thing’s they re-gr-et” oh come on! I quickly took off the cd. I loved 1 Girl Nation but I don’t want to listen to a song about regrets especially when I have plenty of my own.
2 things I regret
1) I regret not going after Derek, I was not after God told me what was going on that it finally click. I mean I should have risked my life and went though the tiny gap.
2) I regret not having that espresso cup that was laid out for me I swear I’m seeing mini Derek’s circling around me like a cartoon.
“AHHH” I yelled realising I swerved nearly missing the car, swerving into some un-known parking lot I realised I had just found the hospital.
Trying to find a spot, I found one beside a very familiar motorcycle “ok you got this, stay strong” I convinced myself to open the class doors and walk in.
I walked up to the sign in lady and smoothened out my lime green dress, “hey I’m Angel Storm” she smiled sarcastically “look up at the sign” I looked up and saw a small sign that read “Sign IN”.
“Does it say I give a dam” I shook my head as her fowl language “that’s cuz I don’t” (quoted from big bang). Rude! Let’s try this again!
“I’m looking for a boyfriend” she snickered “sorry can’t help you there” “sorry I meant I was looking for my boyfriend” she snickered once more “well unless he is imaginary I can’t hel-“Derek Hunter”.
Her face told a million things 1, she knew him and 2, she did not like him.
“That’s your boyfriend, ha good luck honey he is a real catch, room 215” she wiped an imaginary tear and I focused on the task at hand.
“211, 212, 213, 214, yeah 215” after doing a mini happy dance I realised how different 215 door was compared to other’s.
On each door there where two body guards and the door was closed shut, but on his door there was one body guard and the door was slightly open.
This made me wonder how much of a threat he really was, “Derek, Derek, it’s me” I knocked softly your girlfriend…at least I think” I heard some shuffling on the other side of the door and then the door swung open.
“Ah shit…I knew I shouldn’t have downloaded that find your spouse app…ugh get in here” geez curse much, he looked concerned and annoyed which meant he was not happy to see me.
I sat down on his uncomfortable bed and smiled at him. I was in the room for at least 1 minute and I already determined that I strongly dis-liked the room.
It had 1 bed, no drawer, no TV, no windows and the walls were painted eggshell white it looked like an empty room, for an empty man.
“Der I came to see you…and if I’m lucky bail you out” he laughed like talking to him was such a bad idea. He started talking and I couldn’t help but tune out, I was angered by the clothes he was wearing.
He was wearing one of those ugly orange jump suits you see in movies; you know the one’s that people usually wear in jail.
Not only was it a horrible color on him, but it made me feel like he was in jail hiding from me.
“Angie, are you even listening” he snapped his fingers in my face “sorry I was distracted by you”. Oh good grief that came out wrong, “great! I’m in a mental hospital and all you think about is how hot I look”.
“Angie it’s not safe to be around you need to leave” I huffed “Derek what are we?” he looked confused “you heard me what are we?” I wanted an answer.
“It’s not safe to be around me Angie” he exclaimed ignoring my question, I shook my head rummaging through my purse and found my bible.
“Der sit” I demanded “Angie” he threw his hands up in the air “this is not the time for a bible study” I opened the bible and his expression changed dramatically.
Like someone scolding him, or like he was talking to something more like someone was trying to get though to him.
“Please just leave me alone” he sputtered beginning to cover his ears like he did the day before, “please just leave me alone please just leave me alone please” he repeated.
He stood up looking around the room “LEAVE ME ALONE!” the guard knocked on the door and opened it “is everything ok in here?” I nodded.
“He’s just…practising for a play” he looked doubtful but nodded and closed the door.
“Der focus on my voice, now repeat to me what the voice is saying” he sat on the bed next to me fidgeting in his spot.
“Ok he keeps on saying the same thing” he remarked.
“Derek, listen to me” I said slowly “what is he repeating” he cleared his throat and looked at me. “Isaiah 9:6- his name will be called wonderful, counselor, mighty God, everlasting father, prince of peace”.
I knew that verse, it was one the Jesus had shown me the night before, he opened his eyes and in unison we whispered:
“Jesus the name above all names”
He looked even more shocked, “you have it to oh crap this is all my fault” I closed my bible smiling at him.
He didn’t realise how much of a gift God had given him “yes Derek I have it to it’s called Jesus fever…and you got it bad.
Derek what you just said was from the bible…Derek you have a gift you where talking to God you can hear the voice of GOD loud and clearly…something sometimes even I can’t hear”.
“Angie, It-it can-can’t be-“Derek you need to trust me it’s him” he looked appalled “it’s a demon it’s from hell” I laughed. “If hell exist then demons exist, if demons exist then Satan exist, if Satan exist so do the arch-angels and angels, if the angels exist so does God”.
“What proof do you have?” ugh atheist always looking at proof when you are one, “Derek the moment you said the verse so powerfully I might add I knew it was God. You have a gift; you are able to see things in God’s eyes not in human’s eyes you just have to break that wall. He talks to me Derek and now apparently you”.
Wow! Maybe he doesn’t have a gift…maybe he is secretly an angel…or an alien…cool I’m dating an angel…yeah probably not”.
“How does he talk to you” I looked at him stunned, in a million years I never expected for Derek to ask me so many questions about God.
“Well I have other gift’s so I don’t really know, but most of the time he comes to me in a dream…like yesterday when I got like five minutes of sleep…thank you by the way” I shot him a glare. “God started reciting this verse in my head saying ‘look for the signs’ usually I thought it was just me mind playing tricks on me…but apparently not”.
Suddenly he kissed me scooping me up bridal style, I wrapped my hands around his neck staring at him intensely “were us again” he bursted “I’m answering your question: what are we?: where us, I could never stay apart from you”.
“I can’t believe God brought you to me” again he eyes looked directly into mine and I knew he was hiding something. “If God loved me, then why did he put me through all this stuff with my parents” he questioned “well sometimes God gives us challenges knowing we can overcome them, it God’s crazy plan to test our faith”.
“You mean like the test of faith, hey that’s a great title” I nodded ignoring his title idea. The Test of Faith hmm I wonder how well that book would do. “God gives us only what we can handle nothing more nothing less he waited for you to toughen up, he wanted to grow you”.
“Grow me?” “Yes but now you’ve grown he wants you to let go of your past” he shook his head “this is why I can’t accept him…because of my past”.
“Don’t let your past define your future remember: God never consults your past to determine your future (John Hagee).
“Derek if you accepted Christ you could let your past go and move on with Christ. Don’t you think it’s time to let go” I paused looking into his eyes “just give God a shot”. “Derek I” suddenly his lips crashed into mine and I didn’t let go “I love you Angie” “I know”, he looked at me with a beaming smile.
“I want to accept Christ, but first: can you get me the hell out of this loony bin” I laughed joy evident in both of our eyes “I’m letting that swear word go but when you accept Christ don’t expect me to let you go easy on you, cuz you’re a Christian”. He laughed “can’t wait to punished by you” he winked.
As we walked out of the hospital I couldn’t help but think: is now the good time for a bible study?
All I know is we both got Jesus fever, and we got it bad!
IT CONTINUES STILL…