As I laid in Francis’ arms, I thought about the times I had with David when we first got married. He was as sweet and caring as Francis and didn’t forget to compliment me each time. Although I was in the process of a divorce, I felt as though I was an adulteress and would always be as long as I was no longer married to David. Despite these feelings, I continued messing around with Francis.
It had started one night when I had been feeling very down. I don’t know if he heard my sobs but he knocked on the door and came to meet me crying in his guest room. I was crying because I was overwhelmed with everything that was going on. I told him my worries and as usual, he held me close to his chest for a while in consolation. It went quiet as always but when we both looked up and stared into each other’s eyes, he leaned in and gave me a kiss on the lips. It came as a shock so I didn’t respond for a moment as my hands had also been shivering but after a while, I gave in and kissed him back, crying at the same time.
I thought about how much I had wronged his fiancé, my marriage and my religion but those thoughts were only thoughts as I did not let it stop me. Before I knew it, I was caught up in the moment and I went from just kissing him to sleeping with him. It was the first time with Francis but certainly not the last time since then.
As this continued, I broke down one day and told Francis that I couldn’t continue messing around with him. He said there was nothing wrong since I was in the process of a divorce so I asked about his fiancé. He looked me in the eyes and said because he fell in love with me, he had to call off the engagement and ended his relationship with her. I was very sad when he told me this and thought that I had broken a relationship just as my marriage was broken. I was disappointed with myself but I had already begun to develop a soft spot for him so I swayed into those words and forgot about every other person. I didn’t think there was a need to do anything about it because there was I with a man I believed appreciated me. Every now and then, I thought about David and how Vanessa would be lurking around him since she carried what I couldn’t have for him, a child. The thoughts I carried were very heavy as I kept thinking and asking myself where I went wrong with David. I always wanted to cry because deep down I still loved him and wanted to be with him. I just didn’t see myself with him any longer so I thought it was best to walk out of our marriage.
Five months later, I was officially separated and divorced from David, the man I thought I would be with for the rest of my life. Vanessa had already gone into labor and delivered a boy whom was named after David. David and Vanessa were not married as far as I knew but she was still living in what used to be David and I’s home. I had gotten a nice apartment in a nice neighborhood even though I spent some of my time in Francis’. I could say we were in a relationship but I didn’t and couldn’t continue living in his house. I didn’t want the eyes that people would give me especially my parents if they found out that I was already living in a man’s house shortly after my divorce.
After days and weeks flew by, I was beginning to feel sick. I didn’t tell Francis that I wasn’t feeling well even though he noticed and asked every time at work. I just thought it was a minor sickness so I told him I was fine until I began to throw up and constantly urinate. My breasts felt very sore and I was always fatigued. With all of this symptoms, I thought I had caught a flu or disease so I went to see a doctor during the weekend. The news I heard came mostly as a surprise as the doctor said I was five weeks pregnant. I was in denial when he told me and didn’t want to believe I could get pregnant or even have a child yet for Francis. I had been filled with mixed emotions. I was happy that I could get pregnant but not quite happy that I was going to be having a child with a man whom I wasn’t married to and just a few months after my divorce. I got home that day in tears, not knowing how to reveal the news to Francis. What was I going to say to Francis? How would I tell my parents? What would people say? What would David think? I hadn’t seen him since the last time we finalized our divorce and I didn’t think I would ever see him again.
While these thoughts ran through my mind. It suddenly occurred to me that I had been trying to have a baby with David but couldn’t and just the second time I didn’t use protection with Francis, I became pregnant. David and I stopped using protection a long time ago when we decided it was time to have a baby. I was more worried about why I could all of a sudden get pregnant with Francis and not with David than the pregnancy. I sat on my living room couch when I got home and wandered in deep thoughts that I didn’t know when I fell asleep. I eventually woke up to my ringing phone to see Francis calling. My heart skipped a beat when I saw his name written across my phone because I hadn’t told him I was back from the hospital. I let him know before I left my house that morning since he begged me to go get checked.
“Hey babe. How are you feeling? Are you back? He asked.
“Yes I am. Sorry, I forgot to call you when I got back. I slept off because I was really tired.”
“That’s okay babe. So what did the doctor say?”
I took a deep breath when he asked and said;
“Can you come see me please?”
“Are you okay?”
“Yes I am; I just need you here with me please”
“Okay. I’ll be there in a few minutes. Just hang on okay. I love you.”
I didn’t respond and ended the call immediately. Tears came rolling down when I dropped the phone because I couldn’t understand how I should have felt about the news.